Thursday, May 29, 2014

CODFISH: The hidden pests of online dating

Sometimes I wonder if the odds are against me. I live in a city that is brimming with single men. Literally the cup floweth over. I don't believe that more means more options though, I believe more means I am forced to wade through more bull-shiat.

I would never say I hate where I live, I love it actually. I love my apartment, I love my little dog, and I love my tight group of friends. All of these things keep me grounded, keep me happy, keep me sane, but I will say I have felt the strong pains of loneliness from time to time. So I must do what any sane, busy, overworked girl in Los Angeles would do; meet new men online. Talk about searching for a needle in a mountain sized haystack. There are a lot of turds in that pile.

After my long string of hopelessness and frustration I went online and created a new online profile. First, I figured why not? Even if I can't find anything suitable I can at least chat a bit with someone and feel not so lonley and second I thought, what could go wrong. The answer was.... A LOT COULD GO WRONG.

I will never knock on online dating mainly because I know too many people who use it and have found love and friendship (myself included). But I will knock on the massive pervs floating like a virus beneath the surface in a guise of sweet man looking for a date. A catfish is someone who dupes you, who takes advantage of your honest nature and makes you believe they are someone they are not.  There is another deplorable specimen on these sites though and I dub them: codfish. These stinky nasty little pests fly below the radar and it always takes me several days to figure out their motives but I found a devious way to keep these bastards in check.

What is a Codfish? Well, it's not the deliciously tasty fish you eat at the dinner table, no. An online dating codfish is a pest, an annoyance, a pretentious ass-hat that forces his ideas onto you without you even wanting or asking for it. In other words, a Codfish is a man that sends unwarranted dick pics. You are in the middle of a decent conversation and then BAM, full body nude picture centered on his valuable pride and joy. Why! Why I ask! I did not ask for this, I didn't even want this. Why in all that is holy and good would you send this to me and force your image into my brain when I didn't want it in the first place.

I have experienced this strange phenomenon more than I would like to admit. It's strange, infurriating, disrespectful, and seriously annoying. I don't think men realize that I DON'T WANT OR NEED TO SEE THEIR MAN PARTS especially if I have never met them and am in no way shape of form in a relationship with them. Not only that,  most women don't work like men. We don't see a picture and think, "ohh that's sexy!" and then proceed to get turned on. It doesn't work like that, especially if I don't even know who I am really talking to. The point of online dating is meeting people I don't know. And the point of chatting with someone before I meet them is to make sure they are actually who they say they are. I don't want to be catfished, but close behind that desire is I DON'T WANT TO BE CODFISHED EITHER!!!!

Here is an example of what I am talking about:
DUDE: How is your day going
DUDE: Is it sunny like usual in So Cal?
(several minutes go by....)
CHIC: WTH, that is so uncalled for!
DUDE: you don't like?
DUDE: To big for ya?
CHIC: I didn't need to see that. I don't need to be disrespected by someone I don't even know.
DUDE: I was just showing you what I got
DUDE: Relax
CHIC: Please don't message me again
DUDE: your a prude
CHIC: *you're
CHIC: nice try though
DUDE: no wonder your single
CHIC: again *you're
DUDE: i have a big dick, don't you want to see it?
CHIC: No, I don't. Please, stop talking to me.
DUDE: why are you being so stuck up?
CHIC: You are offending me and I don't like it. I asked you to stop, can you please respect that?
DUDE: You are still talking to me, it means you like it. Should I send another?
CHIC: You are quite easy to find on facebook...and look at that, there is your mother.
CHIC: Should I send her these pictures and messages to see what she thinks.
DUDE: don't
CHIC: I think I might do it anyway since you felt the need to harass me
CHIC: why do you think it's ok to sexually harass girls you don't know
DUDE: I thought you would like it?
CHIC:No, I don't like it. You deserve to have that uncomfortable conversation with your mother
DUDE: Thats not right. Don't be such a bitch
CHIC: It is right. You should know better than to perpetuate rape culture and harassment. I am sick and tired of being treated like this.

(I sited most of this conversation from This really does happen to women, and it's about time we call out the CODFISH)

I know some might find this offensive, and some might say, "no way, that can't be true," but I promise you that it is true. And not only is it true, but it needs to be addressed. It's bad enough to be harassed on the street minding my own business, but now while I am looking for a person to share my life with I must wade through a pile of turds sending me unwarranted pics and messages degrading my value as a woman. No thank you. I won't stand for this, and I hope you won't either!