Monday, May 26, 2014
A Morning in the Life of THE DUDE
I'm getting ahead of myself, I should start out at the beginning. My name is Dude, or The Dude to be specific and I am a Pug. Yeah, I know I snort and have issues breathing, but watch it I will sneeze boogers in your face if you call me flat face, snub nose, or schnookums (that last one is only directed at my human, I sneeze in her face every day but she doesn't seem to understand the meaning of EMBARASSING!!!)
So anyways, today I woke like any other day. My head poked out from under the blanket to welcome the new day! I really had to pee but I had a minor set back. I walked up to my human and she was snoring quite viciously. I hit her across the head to snap her out of it but she continued the rattling breath of a sleeping dragon. Maybe hitting her head wasn't the right idea so I angled for a different tactic.I attacked her face with what she calls "kisses" and what I call covering her face in delicious slobber. She then stumbled out of bed and I attacked her legs with excited jumping trying to keep her sleep riddled mind on track.
Me: "Outside human, lets go outside. I have to pee. Lets go outside. No we are not making coffee....no get out of the little room with the white seat. WHATS TAKING SOOOOO LONG. I have to peeeeeeee."
Finally, I reluctantly sat while she attached the silly leading rope to my neck (because we all know she would get lost if I didn't drag her around the block. There is no way her nose could find the way home) and then I was free to take my human on her walk.
Remember I was telling you about the super amazing event that occurred? Well on this typical walk as I peed on every foul smelling rock, bush, tree, pole, flower, blade of grass, speck of dust, and fire hydrant I saw the most amazing thing.
Me: "HUMAN, look I am HUGE! I told you I was huge!"
Human: "What is it Dude?"
Me: "I'm ginormous look at these legs!!!"
Human: "Are you barking at your shadow again?"
Me: "I don't know what that means. But I know that I am a BEAST!"
Me: "Seriously how can you not see how cool this is. I'm like eight feet tall!!!"
When we returned home my human shuffled off to the little room and came out smelling like bottled flowers and wet human. You would think after a shower humans would smell good, but nooooooo, they smell like artificial plants. And they think I smell bad? Ugh...no self respecting dog would ever want to smell like Lavender.
Human: "You wanna take a picture with me little man, come here!"
I wasn't even half way done with my breakfast but I love my little human and if she wants pictures I will allow her to snap away at my super handsome mug. Something awesome happened around picture four though.
I remembered what I ate the night before.....
Human: "Damn Dude! That smells!"
Me: "I know, my brand is highly potent."
There is nothing like landing a fresh fart right on your humans leg. What a morning!!