Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Brighter Side of The Dreaded Breakup

I remember the first time I was broken up with, it was horrible! I cried endlessly. My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head from the pressure of my incessant wailing, but I didn't care. I was heartbroken to the millionth degree. Snot ran down my face in rivers of yuck but still I remained steadfast in my state of misery. I wanted to whole world to feel the ache in the cavity of my chest, I wanted everyone to see my anguish and my loss. I was 19 years old and I had lost the love of my life, up until that moment at least.

To be honest the next one was a lot easier to handle, but as I got older and emotions became stronger, they also got harder until I went through an extended single time. From age 16 to 25 I had consistently been in a relationship. It was hard to imagine myself without someone next to me, without a hand to hold when things got rough. At 25 I broke up with my 2.5 year relationship and decided it was time to just be single. The first few months was ROUGH!! I didn't know how to do it. I went on a rapid amount of dates which I gotta say is where most of my ridiculously hilarious stories come from (Dating Story). I hate to admit it, but I don't remember half their names, or even what I did with them. Those first months of singledom is a blur of random faces but I would never say I regret it.

After about six months of freedom I started to feel the itch of wanting something more serious, but fate knocked me into the ground and said NO! I can't really argue with fate, because things just happen and there is no control over the events of your life. I started to say, "Screw trying to be in a relationship!" And went out to do things on my own. I finally went and saw a movie by myself, which turned into an often occurrence. I called it solo date night! It was invigorating. I went to shows by myself and swayed to the music screaming the words alongside my fellow music brethren. I was free to do whatever I wanted, free to learn and experience, free to truly get to know myself.

After experiencing the wonder of being single I am no longer afraid of it. I embrace it. I don't NEED a man in my life, I WANT one. I have the time, patience, and desire to wait for the right one.

Perhaps it's my age, or maybe my experiences in relationships but I don't see breakups as harshly as I did before. Now I see them from an outsiders view.
  • This person didn't love me
  • This person isn't worth my time or my emotions
  • This person left me and now they are out of my life
  • I don't need this person
  • Moving on
I would like to say all breakup's could be that simple but they aren't. I want to say that most relationships under a certain amount of time, and a certain amount of emotion are more easily dealt with.

The point I am getting at is to not let them control you. Have a moment to panic and freak out because your life as you know it is about to change but you have to think of that positively. Life will change, but open up. You will have more time to focus on you and your wants and needs. You will have more focus on what you want plus more drive to achieve it. A breakup is painful and frustration because you feel like you failed, but in truth, they are a blessing in disguise.

"I am single and alone, but not lonely." It's a mantra I repeat to myself and one that should spread throughout every single person. I don't want to be with someone just to not be alone, I want to be with my person and live next to my best friend. That's not an easy one to find but I won't settle before he crosses my path. Until then, I don't need a filler.

I say for every month you were in a relationship, that should be a week of intense thought and acceptance of it. You will have time to refocus yourself and give your heart time to grief while your brain tries to process the event.
Breakup's are hard, but I promise things will get better. When the clouds of gloom dissipate you will see single life as a gift. Freedom to live, freedom to know yourself, freedom to see what you WANT!
I know what I want now, and I won't settle because I am perfectly happy being single :) Now let's hit the bar and get some drinks my peeps!!