Monday, March 10, 2014

Prologue: Potholes


Everyone has a story that needs to be told. Everyone carries the puzzle around that makes up the entity of their life, a growing mash of pieces shoved together to make you who you are. Some stories are typical, some are appalling and scary, but my story can only be explained as ironically normal and strange. I don’t life a weird life, and I would never consider it out of the ordinary, but the short stories I want to share with you will add up to where I am today. One at a time isn’t so bad, but as I look back and review each tale in sordid detail I am starting to realize, my life is not ordinary, quite honestly my life is extremely comical in the most depressing and lonely way.

 

Don’t worry though, I’m not sad, though I repeatedly reminded that perhaps I should be, I am in fact not. I don’t really have much to complain about; I have a decent job though it doesn’t pay fantastically, I have phenomenal friends that I hang out with regularly, I have a beautiful apartment and share it with an amazing roommate, I own the most adorably annoying and perfectly doggish Pug named The Dude, I have a wonderful family, awesome siblings, super supportive parents….in a nut shell I am truly amazing blessed. So where does the comedic tradgedy come in? Well two things actually.

 

1)      I have a completely abysmal dating history, like seriously completely atrocious.

2)      I have come to realize that I am the living female version of Good Luck Chuck (from that movie with Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, basically everyone who dates me finds the PERSON OF THEIR DREAMS right after we split)

 

I mean this honestly, I have stories upon stories of HORRIBLE dating experiences that I can no longer keep to myself. I have been told over and over again that I need to share them with people, not just for the comedic value, but also maybe to shed some light on the insanely ridiculous crap I have had to put up with. Maybe, if enough men read this, they will see the pain they cause, they will understand the wrongs of their actions and make a change. Maybe I can let them in on the “how to not mess up a first date,” “how to not comes across as a tool,” “how to not seem shy even if you totally are,” “how to KEEP YOU HANDS OFF OF ME UNTIL WE ARE ATLEAST 10 MINUTES INTO THE DAMN DATE!!!!!” Or, maybe they will gloss over these words and continue down the path of lonely rude man that treats women like a piece of meat.

 

I don’t use this blog as a yelling source, I am sorry if I SHOUTY CAP every now and then, but sometimes I feel like I really need to make a point. This is a very big point, I am a 27 year old single female living in Los Angeles, and I have yet (in the whole three years that I have been here) to find a genuine man that is what I like to call, “A good match.”

 

Here is where a lot of outsiders say things like:

-You don’t need a man to be happy

-Screw them stay single

-Wouldn’t you rather be single than be with the wrong person

-Why would you want a relationship, being single is so much fun!

-Marriage isn’t real, love isn’t real, get used to it

 

I think now is the time to share my stories, share my experiences and puzzle pieces with you. Maybe you will hear something in them that helps you see the truth….we are all looking, some of us just found the route of extremely bumpy messed up roads. I think I found the worst road possible, right now I’m stuck on a particularly nasty pothole.