Why Are You Yelling At Me?

I have something not writing related to talk about, it's more human reaction related which I find just as intriguing as any writing related topic.

Really truly as we walk through our lives we are constantly confronted by people who make great characters for a novel. I recently wrote a blog (which lives here) about finding novel characters in your every day life and how fun it is. There are moments when it's not so fun because the reaction the person is flinging your way resembles the evil monster character that we all love to loathe.

It's just hard not to dislike them for the ridiculousness of their attitudes. There is no rhyme or reason really for the way they act, they just say things and do things for the pleasure of it, or because they believe they are justified to act or speak that way.

So several days ago I was confronted, via text message mind you, about something that I had apparently done that upset someone else. I had no idea the person was upset, or even frustrated; so when I was verbally attacked through the monotone text message I was completely thrown off my rocker. More like hurtled off my rocker that was on the tip top peak of a mountain.

Now I won't go into detail of what was said because that is absolutely pointless. No reason to pick apart the minuet details, more I want to address the action. This wasn't the first time I had been verbally (via text message) attacked for something that I had no idea was going on. I have tried to be understanding and accepting, but sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that it actually isn't about me. Sometimes the other person just needs a whipping post because they are pissed off. Sometimes communication isn't clear or expressed and they freak out because you are supposed to know what they want and need. Sometimes people are just ass monkey's though...and there is nothing to be done about that. Talking to you WORMTONGUE ------------------------------>

Anyways, needless to say I was beyond surprised by the words flung at me, and more than a little hurt that someone actually thought I was being inconsiderate and mean. It's hard, actually almost impossible to be considerate of someone's needs, wants, and desires if they never let you KNOW what their needs, wants and desires are. Every evil mean annoying character in a book and movie has an agenda, but they also have a need for something. They usually are mean because they don't communicate what they actually want.

Then again....some want WAY more than they should ever be allowed to have. Like...THE WHOLE WOLRD and that's just selfish. Can't always get what you want you know!

So, I would never actually liken the person who bit my head off to any one of these characters shown above, BUT I would say that this person has a tendency to jump into aggressive meanness before calmly looking at the situation at hand. To any person out there who yells before they think, aggressively accuses before hearing the whole story, or who justifies their own feelings with illogical ideas needs to sit back and take a minute to scrutinize themselves.

Do you actually want to be a Regina George? Do you really want to be seen as Draco Malfoy? These people are people we love to hate because they are complete and total pricks for no damn good reason. Perhaps next time you can politely ask for what you need and give the other person a moment to reciprocate that niceness. Now if you tried that and it still didn't work you can go all Voldemort on their butts.

To Query like the best of them.

Today is figure out how to write a queary Query day. It's a good thing I learned how to spell it first....

Now I have done this before. Tried writing a query. Though I have yet to send one out for an agent. I think it's because I am slightly afraid of MASS rejection. Though I know I will endure the rejection just like every other author has, I think it's also because I just don't feel like my novel is complete. It's had to ask someone to back something I am still a little unsure of myself. 

Yesterday I found five separate Literary Agent companies I want to contact. Now to find a way to get their attention through the awesomeness of my super compact totally intriguing Query!

Here is my plan...first I google Query....

This didn't really help me at all right away. All of that seems extremely basic...until I re-read my last attempt at a Query and realized I didn't mention several of these "To-do's"

No kidding this site actually has a lot of helpful information, and I will paraphrase a few bits that I think will help you as much as they helped me:
A query letter has three concise paragraphs: the hook, the mini-synopsis, and your writer’s biography. Don’t stray from this format. You won’t catch an agent’s attention by inventing a creative new query format.

This actually helps a lot. It explains the bare basic truth of Querying. Don't make it new and fresh, make it your own in the formula. The story should be the hook, not an updated version of Query formula.

Paragraph One—The Hook: A hook is a concise, one-sentence tagline for your book. It’s meant to hook your reader’s interest, and wind them in.

The hook is the most important part of the Query, it's the point where you really can shine and yank an agent to attention. It's like you are screaming, "Look at me, I am amazing!!" and the agent actually turns around and says, "Well you have my attention, go on...."


EXAMPLE of a Hook: Bridges of Madison County
When Robert Kincaid drives through the heat and dust of an Iowa summer and turns into Francesca Johnson's farm lane looking for directions, the world-class photographer and the Iowa farm wife are joined in an experience that will haunt them forever.
The "When" Formula: “When such and such event happens, your main character—a descriptive adjective, age, professional occupation—must confront further conflict and triumph in his or her own special way. Sure, it’s a formula, but it’s a formula that works.

Variations on the "when" formula: Three Different Examples:
Following a botched circumcision...
While defending a drug-addicted prostitute accused of murder....
After years of abuse at the hands of her alcoholic mother and step-father...

Paragraph Two—Mini-synopsis: This is where you get to distill your entire 300 page novel into one paragraph.

This part really really sucks, mainly because it was harder than writing the entire novel. How the hell am I supposed to stuff the entirety of my novel into 150 words!? Patience is not my virtue, but this one really tested me. The main thing to stick to though is the absolute basics. The main character has a problem. The main character must face the external problem and internal problem. Main character confronts conflict, and may or may not succeed.

Paragraph Three—Writer’s bio: This should be the easiest part of your query. After all, it’s about you, the writer.

No this wasn't the easiest part. I don't have ANY writing bio background. I never had anything published, never wrote for a magazine or newspaper. I didn't go to school for writing, I just enjoy writing and love building a new world with my words. That's it. But I can't really say that. It's ok though, the less words I write in a bio, the more I can use on the mini-synopsis. WIN!


FIVE DAYS LATER:

I have a Query.....I need to write it. Again. I'll let you know when I have something worth value. Back to the blinky blinky line mocking me on my word doc page. "Blink, blink...write something. Blink...blink...BLINK!" Shut up word doc, I am thinking!



For any further details on Query writing check out:

http://www.agentquery.com/writer_hq.aspx




Random Pug Picture Time!
Here is my little man, The Dude

So where have I been?! Ohh let me tell you....

I am so excited for Saturday and I have been thinking this since Monday morning. I can't wait to not sleep in and get up early to write. I can't wait to clean up my living room and mop the floors and clean the kitchen. I can't wait to hang up my new curtains and put away all my laundry. I can't wait to sit back and enjoy the sparkling clean awesomeness of my apartment as I write away the weekend.

Sometimes I wonder, what the hell happened to Jess, and why is she so into cleaning? I have no idea when it started, but I just can't stand a messy apartment. Not to say it isn't messy often, of course it is. I am too damn busy all the damn time. Let's discuss shall we what has been going on since my long absence....time to go back....

September: I got a new job towards the end of August and it picked up dramatically in Sept. I am now a DI Producer, which is basically a glorified name for a movie babysitter. No joke though I love my job and it was never something I thought I would do. I basically get to talk to people all day about their movies and work with my team to get them colored and rendered out for final master to go to theaters. Now there is a tone of stress and crazy nights in this wild lifestyle of film making, but I love the energy and love the outcome. There is nothing cooler than being in a theater surrounded by strangers and seeing you name wiz by on the big screen!

October: My best friend got Married!! To which I was the Maid of Honor. This was a crazy whirl wind day and several months prior. I will say I have never seen a more beautiful couple, I love my family of friends.

November: Me and my boyfriend really got into the feelers. Very long back story on my boyfriend, who on this site we will call Bear (because I respect his privacy and he will giggle when he sees the nick name), but I won't get into the details of our history just yet. Anyways, things got intense in November, in a good way. There was some serious growth between us, and serious growth for me.

December: Is always insane with the Holidays...enough said there. Plus I was sick, yuck!

January: Work hit me like a ton of bricks. Busy all the time and there were just no breaks ever.

February: Probably the best damn Valentines Day I have ever had. Bear made me the most amazing meal and we chowed down with gusto! This was the month that I realized I hadn't been in a serious relationship this long (6 months at the time) since over two years previous. That....amazed me. But finally I felt like I found someone that gets me, that I love to giggle and laugh with, someone that chases me around the living room trying to tickle me. I was quite giddy in love and on the best most amazing cloud 9.

March to Now: Still busy with work, but more determined than ever to finish my first novel, The Praetorians. I decided I need to stop waiting and just get working. I want to put the name out there, I want to put my name out there, and I need to stop wasting time and procrastinating. So...then came the idea for a new name, a changed look, a fresh-ish start.

Now: I am J. McSpadden, I am a new writer about to reach the point of needing an agent for my first novel; The Praetorians, and I am ready to share my moments of hard work, struggle, excitment, and enjoyment with you all.

Here's to a fresh start, I hope you enjoy it all!

The Girl Nerd has left the building and J. McSpadden is taking OVER!

New Post. New Look. New Name. It's a new year...and it's going to be grand.

Hello to all! I have been quite the absent blogger, it isn't easy to blog every week when you work way too damn much but it's about time I just back on the writing block. Exciting news is soon to come and I can't wait to share the many details of my up and coming novel debut.

Trust me I am anxious and nervous, and I sincerely hope you haven't all forgotten about me. I am back, and I will comment away once again!!

I look forward to being a great blogger for you all once again. The Girl Nerd has turned a page, now it's time for J. McSpadden to take the spot light. Let's get writing!!

To Prologue...or Not to Prologue?

I have been a bit stuck going back and forth about whether or  not to use a Prologue in my first novel. I think the prologue is useful if used correctly, but it's also a likely possibility it will be skipped by most readers. I don't want to create a wonderful opening for half of my readers to skip. So the question of the day is....to Prologue, or not to Prologue?

This blog really set me straight on the pro's and con's but I'm still a little unsure of whether or not I should use mine.

7 Deadly Sins of Prologues- Kristen Lamb's Blog

Character Blog Tour: The Inside Scoop on My First Novel THE PRAETORIANS

This is going to be fun :)

I got nominated by the lovely Ashley Carlson to continue on with the Character Blog Tour. It's an honor to be nominated and I will carry the torch into writing awesomeness!

For the last four years I have been writing, re-writing, throwing away and starting over, and writing again. I had this idea that just popped in my head one night of a woman struggling to find her identity and in the chaos of her world she overcomes the impossible. Vague I know...but at the time it was mainly a really bad ass fight scene that I couldn't get out of my brain. (Which is at the very end of book one ;) In my mind she had finally reached her point of no return, she had to fight to stand for what she believed in, and OH MY LORD DOES SHE! (Can't spoil my own book now though can I!?) After three years of pulling together the idea and plot, and one year of writing until my fingers bled (thank you Laura and Melaina! That lunch that one day was totally much needed BTW) and then several more months of edits, reading, re-reading, re-writing, and CHANGING A CHARACTERS NAME!!! I finally had a novel. A polished beautiful 140,000ish word novel. Holy crap guys, I'm A WRITER! (there are a lot of shouty caps in this post, but I'm not going to apologize for my enthusiasm).

Now...time to get to the point. The Character Blog Tour...let's get this baby rolling....(and I have a secret surprise at the end, but first the Character Blog!)


The main character of my novel is Camille Scipio, a seemingly average 17 year old girl that harbors a dangerous past, most of which she can’t remember. Suffering from acute amnesia, she wakes in a strange village filled with questions about her identity, where she came from, and most of all why she seems to be so superior over the average human. She can run a mile in under three minutes, hunt like a true predator, and handle a sword like it’s an extension of her body. Everything crashes down on her revealing broken memories of her past threatening to reveal the monster she harbors inside. The idea for Camille came from several different aspects, but I owe a lot of my inspiration to Muse. The first scene popped into my head after listening to Knights of Cydonia one night before I was going to bed. The filled out version of the story really took root after listening to their albums…on repeat….for several months. The next spark of inspiration came after I re-watched the first Bourne Identity movie. I loved the idea of massive struggle in searching for an identity. I think about my own identity a lot, who I am and what I want to be, and using the plot point of not knowing your past is a fun way to pick through the memories you choose to highlight to fully form a character from the start of the story to the climax. I think this allows the readers a chance to learn and grow with the lead character because they are finding out more just as Camille does.


The setting of this story is its own world similar to Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones. Though there is horseback traveling, town like atmosphere’s and basic 1700 village structure; there is also technology, electricity, travel by dirigible, and high tech weaponry. The main geography of Aspera (the Kingdom of where Camille lives) is laid out in a circle separated into nine Colonies. Each Colony has its own social structure, and I would very much place it in a guide line of Game of Thrones. Simple, yet very technologically minded within the constructs of what the world has to offer.


Camille mainly struggles with the fear of her unknown past and not knowing who or what she is. She knows she committed a horrible crime and endures jarring flashes of past memories but she can’t understand what they mean or what to do about them. She is stubborn out of embarrassment and grows increasingly confused by a growing power within her that seems to take over her mental state when her emotional range bursts into heightened territory. It doesn't help that on top of struggling with identity crisis, she is also trying to save her people from oppression from the overbearing cruelty of High King LeMarc, and figure out the maze of emotions attacking her from every angle when in the presence of her love interest. Most of what I want to highlight about Camille is that in a lot of ways, she is like every one of us, struggling to find who we are in the present chaos of our day to day lives.


Camille’s main external conflict is struggling to find her place in a world that doesn’t really have a place for her. She is a love interest, a friend, a daughter, a savior, a warrior, and a born killer. Throughout the novel she arcs toward understanding of who and what she is only to have it obliterated by circumstantial tragedies. Camille’s biggest internal conflict to overcome is learning control of herself, her emotions, and knowing what she is capable of.


The first novel is called: The Praetorians. It’s not available yet as I am still working through the editing process, but I am hoping to get this one published soon. I am giving myself until the end of the year to find an agent, and if I can’t by then I am going to go about the process of self-publishing. So if you know of anyone looking for a book like mine to promote, send them my way! I want to say this will end up being a trilogy, I definitely have enough in my mind to make the story last a good long while. So far there is book 1, the outline of book two, and the synopsis of a book 3. We will see where I go after that. There is so much more to come after Book 1!


And that's my Character Blog Tour. Now to hand off to the next round of writers I have two extremely amazing people to nominate. Matthew Tomlinson who wrote probably one of my favorite books I've read this year; Jack and Jill a Zombie Love Story which is AVAILABLE to purchase!

Also I have nominated J. Sander who even though doesn't have a completed novel I was still able to talk into doing this AWESOME Character Blog. I'm happy you are doing this J!




SECRET AWESOME AMAZING NEWS....I found an amazing artist to do my cover art! Kaegan Cusenbary, who I've known for almost five years (can you believe it Kaegan?!) and is an amazing traditional artist has agreed to work on my cover art. Since I have some time before I get into the whole publishing affair I thought now would be a good time to start thinking of a look for the novel. Kaegan's style and form couldn't be more perfect for what I am aiming for. I want realism with a overlay of gritty intensity. Check out her work here!

The Graceful Truth: Part IX

Hope is vastly delusional; to the point of ridiculousness if you ask my honest opinion. Hope seems to think that things will just work out all perfectly, there won't be snags or missteps because life is perfect if you allow it to be. It's B.S. I tell you, and no amount of optimism could prepare you for what life truly hurls in your direction. Things like love.

There is another side to hope, another side to what you see in your life and what you are wanting to see. Hope is a product of want and desire, want is a product of personal need. Sometimes what you want is really not what you need, and even though your mind is screaming at you to run away at all costs, your damn bloody heart gets in the way stating it’s THIS or NOTHING!

Sitting in my hotel room wringing my fingers together as I shamelessly watched the clock tick by minute after minute I had a moment of extreme clarity. It was strange actually, light really did just flicker in front of my eyes and I was able to look past the screaming desires of my heart to actually listen to my mind for a second. That one single second changed absolutely everything.

A sharp knock sounded from the door and my entire body froze. He was here. I didn’t move right away, actually I sort of stumbled into movement as my mind screamed at me internally to “DO SOMETHING.” One leg in front of the other, righting the green silky dress I had yet to take off as I walked, I approached the door like the main actor in a scary movie; extremely aware of the terror and pain located on the opposite side but willing to look at it anyways.

His smile was breathtaking. His eyes flicked up to mine as I pulled the door open and the soft brown hue that I had once loved so much took in my full appearance one achingly slow second at a time. Pulling a crisp white rose from behind his back that looked far more beautiful in his hand than it had tucked into the wedding center pieces at the reception, I smiled back at him with what I hoped looked sweet and collected not panicked and packed with nerves.

“Can I come in?”

I nodded.

The second he crossed the threshold I knew he wasn't here to stay, though whether that be because of his desires or mine, I knew he wouldn't be there long. There was a calming finality to it giving me the chance to breathe deep for once in his presence.

There wasn't a grand moment of understanding, not even a hint of complete understanding put into thought. I hate to disappoint you but truly there was nothing but time that led me slowly to this final conclusion.

Trying to keep Kellan in my life the way he had once been was like trying to fit into my high school prom dress from ten years ago when I was thirty pounds lighter. No amount of squeezing, tucking, or yanking would make him fit into my life. Not that I didn't love him, I would always love him. Nothing would dull the moments of our lives that were great, nothing would take away those wonderful memories and there is no way that I would want them gone. But we had our moment in the sun, and every small moment after trying to recapture what once was, was our way of searching for something we knew we wanted but had yet to find.

In him I saw a future, but the future I wanted to live wasn't actually with him. The realization must have been written all over my face because the expression he held read as pained understanding. He was in the same boat as I and it finally came time to admit it.

He hesitated in the doorway now unsure if it was a good idea to come in, but I stepped aside silently giving him the ok to enter without it suddenly becoming weird.

“Guess we both knew this would happen eventually, didn't we?”

I smiled in response knowing he was right. I chased him first, and he ran. Then he chased me and I fell into his arms. It was a beautiful world for a tiny sliver of time, but eventually I ran and no amount of chasing would have ever brought me back to where we had started. My chasing him had been futile. I had never really been after him, only the idea of what he had once been to me. It was far past time to move on, move forward, and find that man that I so rightfully deserved to be with and who so rightfully deserved to be with me.

Together we wandered out onto the balcony, him slipping a menthol into my hands before lighting the end for me to inhale. Sweet smoky bliss filled my lungs and on my exhale I finally felt completely at peace.

“I think I owe you an apology for how long I let this drag out. I should have seen this sooner. You obviously did.”

He didn’t respond to me right away. Instead he lit his own regular cigarette and contemplated the scenery surrounding the hotel like it was the most important view he had ever had the chance to see. “Just because I saw it, doesn’t mean I listened to it. I wanted you back too. There was always a reason not to leap in though, and I think now I finally realize why.”

I nodded silently. We both saw us for what we were; a couple of friends once madly in love that grew up and grew apart.

It sounds sad I know, but truly it’s not. Not for me. It was a moment I needed to experience no matter how much the process hurt. I never said this was a happy story, but I don’t mean it to be sad either. Love is evil and I warned you, but love is also a patient teacher, a blazing heat to remind you of what can be possible and a cold shoulder when it demands you see more than you do. You can hate love and all the negative grueling hours of loneliness, or you can accept the fact that finding true love no matter how short lived is always worth the pain and suffering. Love is absolutely worth everything you have to give, and it’s never afraid to remind you of its purpose.

The truth is muddled in with the greys and blacks slapped over the pristine white of your life; Love will show you what you’re truly made of, show you what it means to live. My advice to you is to embrace it, because escaping it and its wild torrential storm of emotions is absolutely impossible.

I know you asked me for a happy ending, I know I promised you one, but the graceful truth is that happiness is fluid within life and an ending that ends happily doesn't exist. Doesn't mean we can't live happily, find happiness, and experience the pure joy of what life, love, and experience can offer.

I found my Graceful Truth...have you found yours?

I've Been Nominated for.....oh I'm just dancing with excitement!!!

My loving readers and friends, I have been nominated to do something awesome!!!

I have been invited to be a part of the Character Blog Tour! Next week Monday I will post some deliciously juicy details about the main character in my upcoming novel: The Praetorians. I am really excited to enlighten you all on my main character and how she lives within the world I have created.

Not going to lie, I am totally SQUEE for this. Yep, you got it, this one is SQUEE worthy. I was nominated by the lovely Ashley Carlson whose book is coming out soon! Please check out her Character Blog and I look forward to sharing mine with you in a week.

Ashley R. Carlson Character Blog

Oh 3D...how I love to obsess over you

I love starting new projects. I get this excitement in my belly like a child does the day before Christmas. It's like once I open the program and get started a present will pop up in the form of my finished product. TAH DA! Project complete.
No...it's never that easy.
Last night I started the modeling process to build a new character, and thanks to an awesome friend I have a pretty updated rockin computer with the most updated rockin programs. First problem, resetting all your tools and configs to match your old presets. Forgot how laborious that can be. I was an hour into setting up and I still hadn't brought in my reference images to start building from.
But the excitement is still there, I want to go back home and jump back on my computer but alas, I must make money first.
So all day all I can focus on....
How am I going to build out the shirt and the mag holsters from the body block?
Polygon hair, a solid piece, or nurbs to build out a hair system?
And the words that keep running through my brain...Center pivot, freeze transformations, delete history.
Oh yes...the modeling has begun!
I'm looking forward to seeing how the pipeline goes on this animated short.

Can I keeps it?

Fear. I am afraid. I open my eyes and it seeps in, but instead of running I cuddle close and smile. I must be crazy. I must be a complete lunatic. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of you and I feel the pressure of doubt, the slicing knick of bewilderment; how did I get here? Though I consciously walked in a straight line from point A to point Q, I somehow ended up on F and Seventh street (Spelled out because it's always better when I can actually read the number fully).
Wonder. It's actually real. Sometimes I can't believe I can actually hold it with my own two hands. Thoughts can be enticing, but also screwy in their stubbornness to make you believe in the mystical. I can't discard it though, the wispy hope that wafts through my mind in the dimming light of evening. There is no ignoring the pull as my eyes split open at dawn and I see the dreams solidified.
Hope. A tricky bitch. Despite the sinking tremor of what could happen if I lean too far to the right and plummet to my emotional doom, hope keeps me barely on track. Even in the wide black lake of loneliness hope is my buoy though it taunts me with the gravity of the other side. Yet somehow it keep the muscles in my face from pulling downward even though thats the only way I want to go. Hope keeps the socially acceptable form of insanity from tying you in the inevitable straight jacket. I hope because I must, and I must because I can't imagine my life any differently than what it has given me. I hope I get to keep it.
Reality. Not so easy. The honest truth is I can't really keep anything, not forever anyway. I can't keep this moment, or this day, I can't keep my room clean and my apartment will always be filled with dog hair. Reality is life happening all around me and I don't want to waste it. I made a terrible mistake two years ago and I don't intend to repeat it. I want to make up for what I've done wrong, and I want to live life the way my path previously intended it to be. Maybe hope will keep me afloat, and my sense of true wonder will chase away the fear. Maybe, just maybe, the dreams I've always had, will become my reality.

Update:

I can't keeps it, it was never mine to keeps

Updated Update:
Life can't seem to make up it's mind. Here's a lemon...now you can make orange juice, wait no...I gave you a grapefruit...go make apple juice. Kidding, it's a lemon...you still want lemonade right?